Me and my Boyfriend Problems/A.k.a. Fiancee vise-Versa I wanna know a way I kan trust him......?

Okay me and my boyfriend got into a situation where it kant talk to him for a while and i love him he loves me but i have alot of trust issues ALOT and i dont want to be wrong about him i mean i trust him but thn again i dont....bekuz how am i suppose to know that he means what he says about lovin me or all th other stuff he says im just scared of gettin hurt and scared of gettin lied to by the person i love soon to be Engaged to....and hes never cheated on me he says he wont and stuff like that but i dont know theres somethin tellin me that he doesnt love me like he says he does but then again it does tell me that he loves me wit all his heart its Iffy alot im just ugh we been goin out for 8months and and on and off for three months and today April 27,2011 would be our 1 year anniversary but now we are on good terms to the fullest but ugh idk i dont I have my Guards up 24/7 I JUST DONT WANNA BE ENGAGED TO HIM then find out that he doesnt love me but when im around him his spirit is with mine when we are together there is no worries no problems i think its bekuz we are apart right now but i just really dont wanna get lied to at all kuz that will kill me its 50/50 hes done me wrong but nothin cheatin wise but hes done me wrong about goin back on his word....when we was suppose to do somethin which chellenged our relationship alot but im waitin to see the ring and when i do then ill have alittle more trust for him and respect i dont wanna dog him out bekuz of what the last guy did kuz thats not right but i love him i would give my life for him i think lol but i think i have my guards up for the wrong thing like this morning i talked to him and i said okay i love u bye he said i love u real slow but i dont know if he was sayin it to be romatic or did he really wanna say it or not.....and my sister was talkin to him and she was jokin about that im pregnat and he was like o i though she was on birth control.....but b4 that he said he would be there for me but i didnt bring this up to him yet and i talked to him his mornin and he said ill be there for you no matter what and i didnt bring up him and my sister talkin so i was just like okay babe we need relationship Counceling bad maybe just for me but i think we both should go together b4 we start anything serious i just hate bein lied to hes a good man but im nerves alot....i do want to try somethin like get my friend to talk to him and see if he good for her but if he finds out it was me then all hell will break lose but ugh i just feel like cryin i dont wanna get hurt but i trust him 50/50 he might be doin what he says he does and mean what he says he mean 100% but idk ill talk to him but ugh i kant do it i wanna know all the way down to the T i wanna stock him 24/7 i wanna listen to him konversations i wanna know where hes goin i wanna know what hes doin at skool i wanna know when he says hes gettin in the shower is he really gettin in the shower i wanna know if hes really goin to work i want to know what hes doin at work...but my mom says what ever happens in the dark will kome to the light....but i dont wanna wait that long and get to deep in with him and end up goin stir krazy kuz itrusted him ugh its krazy i wanna know i might be goin to far but i wanna stock him for about a year maybe 6 months thats the only way i kant trust him i wanna know any other way i kant trust him.......